My mind is reeling. It's in a constant state of "motion" and going twenty different ways. It's exhausting. 2014 is a few days away and I am terrified of it. And excited. Apprehensive and Hopeful. There is so much conflict in my mind. The coming year is going to be very challenging.  It might be the most altering year of my life. And while I am not going into what that means right now, as time goes on my story will unfold.There are moments when I wish that I could turn my mind off. That I could sink into oblivion, just for a little bit.  But that is not an option.  So I will just put one foot in front of the other and do what I need to do. I will trust in God's goodness and that He will be with me in the midst of it all. Focus on that ray of sunlight that is piercing the darkness.  A good friend of mine gave me a Christmas cd and on that cd was this song. It was perfect. There is a simple beauty and truth in his words. This post feels disjointed and less than eloquent, but my brain is fried so it is what it is. Enjoy the tune.

Dum Spiro Spero

I haven't written on here in over 2 years.  I was really excited to do this whole blog thing and then life got in the way and suddenly two years went by.  It was kind of interesting looking back and reading my former posts.  Seeing how things were different. Looking at where things are now.  I have a feeling I will be on here a lot more. And I almost wish this blog was under a secret identity.  Then I looked at my profile info and saw how I talked about being real and authentic. Good. Bad. Ugly. Maybe I will still create a blog under a pseudonym.....but you will never know ;)

It's the end of the year. 2014 is right around the corner. 2014. That's so crazy to me. How time flies. And how the older you get the faster it goes. I have a theory about that. When you are a kid a year is so much more a percentage of your lifetime. When you're 5 a year is 1/5th of your entire life. And now here I sit, 31 years old and a year goes by in the blink of an eye.  

I am ready for this year to be over. Just like I was ready for 2012 to be over. And it's been a crazy couple of years. Hard years. Good years. I have had some of the best and worst moments of my life in these last two years.Some of the darkest days of my life have happened, as well as some of the brightest. My life has been a total parallel to my blog name. Dissonant Peace.  And I have a sneaking suspicion that 2014 isn't going to be much different. If only we had a fast forward button to see how it ends. I can only see the horizon. And there are some pretty damn ominous clouds there. But I can still see a little glimmer of the sun peaking through those clouds. Thank God for that, because if I didn't see that the sun was still there, still shining, I would be ready to crawl under a rock and call it. The thing is, when you are a grown up, when you have little humans relying on you, you can't just crawl under a rock.  You can't just give in to the coming storm.  You have to face it, keep going. Dig your heels into the earth and STAND.  

I don't know how it's going to end. I don't know everything that is hurtling toward me. I have some ideas. And it scares me.  So I will focus on the one little ray of sunshine that is peeking through those clouds. I will fix my gaze there because that is where hope lies. 

Dum Spiro Spero. ~While I breathe, I hope.